wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
