bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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