If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
