tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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