i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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