i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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