You smell like stripper and shame
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize