i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
