Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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