what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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