It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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