Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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