Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
