CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
