your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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