I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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