It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
