Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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