There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
