he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
