Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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