I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
