what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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