he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
