I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
