He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
