True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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