The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
