I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
