He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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