Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
