i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
