So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize