he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
