It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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