Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
