if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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