Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
