So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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