You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
