she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
