can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Randomize
