either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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