guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Two words: blizzard sex
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
