no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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