Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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