I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My vagina is officially offended.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
