So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
