Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
