I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
