she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
