There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
