my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
