i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
