True but thats because hes a fetus.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
