Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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