Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
