I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
