I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
