i just wanna soil my oats bro
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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