We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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