so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
