So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
