What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
