You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
