I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
