Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
