Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
