I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
