You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
