I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
