I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
