it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
