His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
