I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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