walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
