only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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