I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Two words: blizzard sex
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
