They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
