ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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