We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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