We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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