It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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