Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
