One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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