My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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