Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
