dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
