I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
