I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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