Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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