girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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