if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
