he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
