omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize