I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
